Matthew 88
(Chapter 19)
Divorce, It’s messy! (Pt3)
Matthew 19:1–12 (NIV)
1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.
2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?
6So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.
12For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
Questions and Survival tips!
Who gets to decide if biblical grounds have been met?
First, let me tell you:
· You don’t get to decide if you have biblical grounds.
· You can’t be the umpire in your own life.
· just ‘cause I teach you the Bible doesn’t mean, you can say: “Oh, I have grounds for divorce."
· I can’t tell you either in a 140 character text message!
Just because you want a “godly divorce,” you can’t pick whatever information justifies your position and then render a verdict about your own status and then declare yourself holy in the sight of God. It’s not that easy.
It takes Spiritual Leadership
1 Peter 5:1–2 (ESV)
5 So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: To shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly;
So the Bible says that Jesus is our chief shepherd, pastors are like under-shepherds, and that people are like sheep and that the church is like a flock and that it is our duty and joy and privilege and responsibility to shepherd and provide oversight, to help oversee things.
· Seek out the pastor
· Seek out the elders
· Seek Godly advice
· Pray earnestly about what they say
· Read God's word, seek the holy spirit
Hebrews 13:17–18 (ESV)
17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.
18 Pray for us, for we are sure that we have a clear conscience, desiring to act honorably in all things.
I take on a great responsibility as your pastor, all the men who have accepted the roles of elder and lay pastors have taken on a large responsibility. One day I will stand before God as to the advice and teaching and council that I give you, I take that very seriously. And to be honest, it is sometimes overwhelming as we Grow to think and Pray about what I say and Do.
The second Question: Must people endure abusive relationships?
Some statistics: between 10%–14% of marriages have just sexual abuse. In addition, there’s physical abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, mental abuse. People can be incessantly, incredibly cruel to one another. And it’s tragic and it grieves the heart of God. Now, when there is an abuse of any sort or kind, 95% of the time it is the wife who is abused, 95% of the time.
The Bible:
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
· Weaker here does not mean to regard her less.
· He is like a thermos; she’s like a crystal goblet, right? You can drop him on the floor; he’s going to make it. You drop her on the floor, a different result.
· Women are different than men. Men tend to be physically tougher and are able to bully, intimidate, harm their wives.
· The Bible says, “No. Be considerate. Be understanding. Be loving. Be gentle.” That’s absolutely the opposite of abuse.
Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
· Our relationship with our spouse is to mirror our relationship with Christ
· Jesus was NOT harsh, mean, rude, or abusive
· Jesus is all together, only, always loving, gracious, merciful, and good to the church.
· So in no way are we saying that a wife—and that is most often the case—should endure any abuse at all.
The only way to not have abuse in a marriage is to call only one spouse to obey the Bible.
If you’re a woman in an abusive relationship, you need to tell a pastor. You may need to tell the police. You may need to get a restraining order. He needs to get serious help. There is no way we would encourage a woman to be in a dangerous position. That violence tends to only escalate; it extends to the children and can result in the murder of the wife. Of course, that is not what we want. We want to see marriages last, but not marriages last with abuse.
The Third Question: What about remarriage after a divorce?
Luke 16:18, “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”
· If you’re going to destroy the marriage, you don’t get another one.
· You must confess your sin, stand before God and repent
· Then and ONLY then will you be restored in God's sight
1 Corinthians 7:15, “If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
· Your unbelieving spouse leaves, you can remarry
If you’re on the receiving end of any of the reasons for divorce we talked about you can remarry. But I caution you to seek counseling and healing before you try again. But again, this is not math, this is life. We want to get to know you, look at all the variables, be involved, walk with you, and help figure this out.
Closing:
Is there hope in safeguarding your marriage?
How many of you have heard that there is no statistical difference between Christians and non-Christians when it comes to such things as adultery and divorce? Have you heard that? It’s almost now an urban legend.
The good news: it’s not true.
· The study was flawed
· They didn’t dig into the lives of those asked “are you a Christian”
· So of course, anyone who has ever been to church said yes!
It’s not just professing of faith, it's possession and practice of faith that matter.
Jesus says, “Many will come to me and say, ‘Lord, Lord, we belong to you,’ and he will say, ‘Depart from me, I never knew you.’”
A new Study:
So I did a bit of research and I think the best sociologist in this area is a man named Bradford Wilcox. He’s at the University of Virginia. He did a massive study, the largest of its kind. And he published a book on his findings called Soft Patriarchs, New Men. And he says that for those who are Christian, there are three variables that do not necessarily guarantee marital success but drop the divorce rate in half. So we need to know what they are.
Number one: regular, joint church attendance.
· Husband and wife going to, part of, involved in the community with the same church.
· This allows you to be under teaching, under authority, in community, getting accountability, positive examples, negative examples, encouragement for being obedient, and discouragement for becoming disobedient.
· Go to church together. And don’t just go to church together, be in community, get in a small group, teach the kids together, be a part of the body of Christ.
Number two: shared theology.
· You agree on Jesus and the Bible and marriage and roles.
· Carrie and I don’t have much in common
·
But what we agree, the Bible is God’s Word, Jesus is God’s Son, the law of God exposes our sin, we need the grace of Christ, we need the humility of the Holy Spirit, we need to repent to one another, we need to forgive one another, we need to obey the Bible because Jesus is Lord and I’m not. If we agree on those things, you can build a marriage. The rest is all details.
Number three: bring your faith home.
· Do you read the Bible together at home?
· Do you read Christian books together?
· Are you in a small group together?
· Do you pray together?
o If so, your odds of divorce go down by 50% because the couple that prays together stays together
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