Matthew 87
(Chapter 19)
Divorce, It’s messy! (Pt2)
Matthew 19:1–12 (NIV)
1When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan.
2Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’
5and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?
6So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
7“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
10The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
11Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.
12For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”
What constitutes biblical grounds for divorce?
Recap!
Let me begin all of this by talking about this pastorally.
· I’m going to answer questions and give you Bible verses, and I would encourage you to read and study for yourself
· Please, please, please don’t turn this into a math equation.
· We’re dealing with human beings and their lives.
· We’re dealing with the second most important relationship, the relationship with your spouse, the only higher priority relationship you have is the One you have with God.
It’s not math, it's life. Math is easy; life is hard because the variables are very complicated, very difficult. And so, yes, we want to obey the Bible, but to do that the Bible tells us to be people who are in the lives of those who are suffering, pastors giving counsel and care. Please don’t treat this as a math equation.
· Don’t rush to judgment. Just because your friend is hurting and/or filing for divorce, and don’t immediately rush to their defense.
o “In seeking truth you have to get both sides of a story.” Walter Cronkite
o I learned this the hard way early on in ministry
Biblical Reason
We are not a church that believes that no one ever has a right to a divorce. We believe, sadly, tragically, painfully, there are occasions when divorce is permitted. And here they are.
Number one: Death
Romans 7:2 (NLT)
For example, when a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, the laws of marriage no longer apply to her.
· It’s not technically divorce, but it is the cessation of the marriage, and that is death
· Marriage is a covenant that lasts until death do we part.
· Upon death, the marriage covenant has ended and the widowed or widower spouse is welcome to remarry if in fact they so desire.
Number Two: Adultery
Deuteronomy 22:22 (NLT) (Matt 5:32)
“If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.
· Part of the covenant of marriage is that one man and one woman would be one flesh, and adultery is the betrayal of the oneness of the covenant.
· Adultery can destroy a marriage. And adultery is a sin, and sin leads to death, and sin can lead to the death of the marriage.
· This does not mean if adultery is committed, that you have to get a divorce, but it means that you may have biblical grounds to do so.
Number Three: Sexual Immorality
Matthew 19:9 (NLT) (Matt 5:32)
9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.
· Jesus uses the word, porneia. It’s the same root word from which we get pornography and it’s a general term meaning all kinds of sexual immorality and sin.
· Porn lives here
· Lust lives here
· If you’re saying “I’ve not technically committed adultery and been physically present with someone,” but you’ve committed porneia. You are sexually corrupted.
· that doesn’t mean that you have to get a divorce
o but it does mean if there is this ongoing pattern of sexual sin and filth that violates the covenant terms of oneness and fidelity, then yes, there may be grounds for divorce.
These are difficult circumstances and judgment calls. That’s why it takes leadership that is loving and prayerful and careful and biblical to be involved, to help understand and unpack all of this
Number Four: A non-Christian quits the marriage
1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT)
15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife* is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you* to live in peace.)
· A Christian marries a non-Christian
o You’re not supposed to do that, but some people do.
o I would beg you, I would implore you, I would invite you, do not marry a non-Christian.
· Sometimes two people marry as non-Christians, one becomes a Christian, and then the non-Christian says, “I did not sign up to be married to a Christian."
o They make an ultimatum like, “You’re not allowed to pray with our kids, take them to church, or tell them about Jesus or else!”
· A third scenario, where two professing Christians marry, and at some point in the marriage, one becomes what we will call apostate. They decide, “I want nothing to do with Jesus, Bible, and the church, and so I’m leaving you.”
Number Five, Treachery or Treasonous Betrayal and Behavior.
Malachi 2:14–16 (NLT)
14 You cry out, “Why doesn’t the LORD accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the LORD witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
15 Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit, you are his.* And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. 16 “For I hate divorce!” says the LORD, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,*” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”
· In marriage, people do some horrendous, despicable things to one another. I’ve seen people do the most cruel, bitter, mean-spirited things to one another. And the Bible here is talking about various ways that we destroy one another. And again, it takes spiritual leadership to investigate it, but sometimes it does rise to the level of being grounds for divorce.
o I see this mostly in women
o Men can be extremely mean
o So we have to be careful how we misuse and mistreat our wives
o This is mental and verbal abuse
o Sexual misuse of our spouse
Number Six, Ultimately This is Hardness of Heart
Matthew 19:8 (NLT) (Mark 10:5)
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended.
· Hardness of heart is where one person in the marriage refuses to admit any wrongdoing.
o “Did you contribute to this?” “Nope, I didn’t do anything. It’s their fault.”
o They’re blame-shifting, defending, accusing, attacking.
§ “So you have nothing to work on?
§ You have nothing to change?”
· “You know what? They’re the problem in the marriage. I’m good, they’re bad. It’s their fault.”
· This is where Un-forgiveness lives!
o The other person has admitted their sin. They’re sorry. You don’t need to fully trust them yet, but can you forgive them so that there is the possibility of regaining and rebuilding trust?”
o And you say “nope not going to happen”
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