Matthew 80
(Chapter 18)
Facebook is never the answer!
Matthew 18:15–17 (ESV)
15“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
16But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
· OUCH! This one is going to hurt!
· Because we rarely deal with issues inside the church right!
· The way we deal with the world and the way we deal with each other is totally different!
· So, let’s rip that Band-Aid off!!!!! And get to it!
Sin and Offense happens!
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
So, let’s set the record straight, it’s not a matter of if, it’s when!
· You stick around this church long enough, and someone will offend you
· It happens in any relationship or group you’re in!
o It happens at work
o It happens at home
o It happens in civic groups
o If you have a hobby and you are around the same folks a lot it will happen!
And it happens why, because of Sin!
Romans 3:10 (ESV)
10as it is written: “None is righteous, no, not one;
Romans 3:23 (ESV)
23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
· We sin
· We all sin
· And sin is the cause for all offense, period!
· So if we all sin, and sin is the cause of all offense, guess what, we are going to have a conflict with each other!
And we need each other!
1 John 1:7 (ESV)
7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
· We need each other to help us deal with our sin
o That old wives tale “I don’t need the church, I just need Jesus” is BULL!
· We all have blinders on, we all look past our iniquities, our sin
· And for Jesus to work in us, we must learn to deal with each other
· We can’t run away, or go live in a cave
· So, we are going to have to learn how to deal with conflict when it arises biblically!
The Process
The right frame of mind “beginning with the end in mind”
o Remember this is not about you being right
o It’s about mending a broken relationship!
o This is about reconciling and working on our sin, not just theirs!
The first step is the hardest! “Go and tell him his fault”!!
· This is something we all fear! The dreaded “TALK”
o We avoid it like the plague
o We will talk to everyone else about it
o But we don’t want to confront the person that needs to hear it the most!
· There are not many people that like conflict
· And we especially don’t like to initiate the conversation
This is really a learned fear
· Let’s step back a few verses
· Kids have no problem with this
· You see it all the time
o Kids get in a fight or argument
o They resolve it, they deal with it, get over it, and start playing again
o Parents never speak again!
· Somewhere along the line, we have learned that conflict is bad
· And I really think this is a Satan thing!
· If we could all learn to talk about things
· Life would be a lot less stressful!
This is for all my keyboard warriors out there! “between you and him alone”
· What???
· Alone, you mean I am not supposed to run tell my crew??
· My neighbor
· The folks I work with??
· Or blast it on FACEBOOK OR TWITTER???
We destroy relationships and folks' lives with this kind of behavior
· Stay off social media, stay off the party line
· And keep it between you and your brother or sister!
· We are talking about your eternal family, the ones that we are to love!
· So don’t tear them down with Gossip and rumors!
A little scripture to back this up!
Proverbs 25:9 (ESV)
9Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret,
1 Corinthians 8:12 (ESV)
12Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ.
Leviticus 19:17 (ESV)
17“You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
You have gained your brother
· The whole idea of all this is to keep the family together and resolve and reconcile
· To grow each other and continue on the kingdom mission!
But, what happens if he doesn’t listen???
But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
· If the two of you alone can’t work things out then seek some help!
o Someone with no skin in the game
o A referee
o Someone that can hear all sides and help come to a peaceful resolution
· And again, this is not a public issue
o Gossip and rumors start when we don’t deal with things the right way
o I have had many relationships damaged beyond repair
§ Bridges burnt
§ Because of talking to others and not confronting the problem
· The people you bring should be trusted by all sides
· And impartial
Sometimes the issues are so bad you need someone in authority to get involved
17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
If he (or she) refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church
· If you take a couple folks and you still can’t resolve it
· Ask the elders, lay pastors, or pastor for help!
· The law, the court, is the last resort
· I have only had to intervene a few times in our 11 years here
· The idea of all this is to resolve and reconcile
o This is not about punishment or revenge
o It’s about fixing family issues
· We are a family, we are to work together, and we are to work through our differences
· I can’t stress this enough
Could this be for a bigger purpose?
· Could this be setting the example to a hate-filled world?
· Could this be about preparing us for eternity with Jesus?
· We are to follow all of God’s word
· We all know that it was all given to us for our good and His glory
· So why is the church not working through its issues biblically?
o I don’t know
o But we need too
o We need to keep church affairs in the church
o We need to show the world how to live in harmony, with love, peace, and joy!
· We need to be a light for following
· And hope for a better tomorrow!
And unfortunately, sometimes you have to cut ties
And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
· How many, with a show of hands, see this as a punishment??
· I did the first time I read this
· I saw this as a punishment for bad behavior in the body
· Like it was a culling process
· Time to weed out the “bad ones”
· Time to separate the chaff from the wheat
· But that’s not our job, right??
Matthew 3:12 (NLT)
12He is ready to separate the chaff from the wheat with his winnowing fork. Then he will clean up the threshing area, gathering the wheat into his barn but burning the chaff with never-ending fire.”
· So if Jesus will take care of that
· Why push them out???
We are a lot like horses
You ever see how the lead mare in a pack corrects bad behavior??
· She pushes the horse out of the pack
· You see horses are prey animals
· They need the pack
o For security
o For comfort
o For companionship
o That they can only get in the herd
· So, when you push them out, they feel the need for the herd
· They think about what they did and when they are ready to act right
· The lead mare lets them return to the pack
All of this is about reconcile and resolve!
· We will all encounter conflict
· We will all have to deal with others sinning against us
· And yes, you sinning against someone else
· And how we deal with it matters
o It affects the individuals involved
o And the body
o Even the outside world
· Jesus gave us a perfect plan to restore relationships
We just have to FOLLOW!!!!
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