Matthew 81
(Chapter 18)
Forgiveness
Good morning Church!!
Matthew 18:21–35 (NIV)
21Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
23“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
24As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him.
25Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26“At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’
27The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29“His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30“But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
31When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
34In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
We have all said this: I can never forgive _____________!
· I have said it, you have said it, we have all said it
· And there are believers out there that think forgiveness is an option
· It’s not
· God commands that we forgive!
Matthew 6:14–15 (NIV)
14For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Mark 11:25 (NIV)
25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
· Forgiveness is not an option
· It’s a necessity
· It was by far the hardest thing for me to learn
· And I will tell you it is a learned behavior!
· So, let’s look at some of the myths around forgiveness and set the record straight!
Forgiveness is not forgetting
· It’s a nice saying, but highly misleading. Why?
o God does not forget, God always has and always will know all things, but He has promised never to use our sin against us or treat us as if the reality of our sin were present in His mind.
o forgive and forget, quite simply, is psychologically impossible. Life and experience and old age work to erase certain things from our memory, but that is rarely if ever the case with sins committed against us and the wounds we have suffered.
o While forgiveness is spiritual, forgetting is biological. The point of forgiveness is not to forget the offense, but to remember it with God’s grace. “I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Heb. 8:12).
Forgiving someone does not mean you no longer feel the pain of their offense
· The only way you can stop hurting is to stop feeling, and the only way you can stop feeling is to die emotionally.
· Even if a season goes by without feeling the pain, a situation or a memory might trigger that pain all over again
· We have emotions and feelings and sometimes they come back
· When we have severe trauma to our body (a broken leg, a tumor removed) we still feel pain, that’s part of the healing process!
Forgiveness is not relieving the person of responsibility, that you stop seeking Justice
· A person shouldn’t be "off the hook" from his or her responsibilities just because you choose to forgive.
· Forgiveness doesn’t eradicate responsibility.
· It’s not unloving to hold someone accountable. Often, accountability is the most loving thing you can do because it could lead to repentance.
· The point is that forgiveness does not mean you are to ignore that a wrong was done or that you deny that a sin was committed.
· Forgiveness does not mean that you close your eyes and pretend that it didn’t hurt or that it really doesn’t matter
· Forgiveness simply means that you determine in your heart to let God be the avenger. He is the judge, not you.
· we refuse to forgive others because we mistakenly think that to do so minimizes the sin, the hurt, they caused.
o That is a lie from Satan and don’t you buy it!
Forgiving does not mean the same as trust.
· The Bible clearly commands that we forgive (Colossians 3:13).
· This means we forgive with or without an apology or evidence of change.
· Trust, however, is entirely different.
o It is solely based on evidence of change.
o In other words, trust is totally conditional.
o The condition is evidence of repentance and transformation.
o When we tangle up trust and forgiveness, we put ourselves in a vulnerable position and high risk of getting hurt again.
· You must set boundaries!
o The fact that you establish boundaries and how you will interact with this person does not mean you have failed to sincerely and truly forgive.
o Forgiveness does not mean you become a helpless and passive doormat for their continual sin.
Another important thing to know… trust can only be repaired after forgiveness has taken place. In other words – it’s impossible to trust someone when you haven’t forgiven them.
Forgiveness does not fix everything in a single moment
He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds. -Psalm 147:3
· While we make the choice to forgive, it doesn’t mean we instantly feel better.
· Healing is a journey best done with our heavenly Father. But know this… forgiveness is a necessary ingredient in the healing process.
· Without forgiveness, bitterness and resentment begin to take root. That same bitterness and resentment will slow, possibly even stagnate the healing.
· I have spent years in the forgiving process for some
· And when I feel that sting of the hurt coming back it just lets me know I have work to do
· It doesn’t mean I haven’t forgiven; it just means I am still healing from it
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -Romans 12:18
· Saying that forgiveness and reconciliation are important to God would be an understatement.
· Yet, people (you, me, everyone) are sinful.
· Some are unrepentant. As a result, these are relationships that can’t be repaired.
· It may be unsafe (physically or emotionally) to attempt reconciliation.
In the end, reconciliation is the goal, but reconciliation isn’t necessary to forgiveness. Prayerfully seek God for discernment on reconciling your relationship.
Forgiveness is not a feeling
· If you are waiting until the feeling to forgive comes along, you could be waiting a long time.
· Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God, stemming from gratitude for His grace.
· And God knows that revenge, anger, and rage can destroy us spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
· Christ paid too much for His brother and sister to have us be slaves to anything, particularly hatred.
· He wants us free.
· And a person is never free when weighed down with bitterness.
· Martin Luther said it best!
o “When the cold shackles of revenge are tightly clasped around our wrists, it’s impossible to lift our hands in praise to Him!”
