Sermon Notes 4-27-2014

Ephesians 5:22-33

Read Eph 5:22-33

The Big Idea

The big idea here is love. Love. Love. Six times in this short section the word “love” is used. In our culture, love means you get to do whatever you want. That’s not what the Bible means by love. According to the Bible, love is a great mystery. What he means is this: something that was previously unknown has now been made known through Jesus Christ.

So, here’s the big idea for the Christian: there is no understanding of love apart from the person and work of Jesus. It remains, for many who would still use the word “love,” a great mystery. They don’t really understand what it is, what it means, what it does. But those of us who know Jesus have the opportunity to see what love is and to see what love does, because it’s a mystery that’s been now made known in Jesus.

Have you ever been to a wedding?

·      When the door opens and there stands the bride in all her glory

·      She is radiant

·      The love just beams from her face, her smile is beautiful

·      The groom is in aw

·      He just gazes at his bride!

What he’s saying is that Jesus’ love for the church is like a groom’s love for the bride. It’s like a groom’s love for the bride. It’s this timeless, amazing, devoted, perfect commitment, covenant, and affection.

The Greek word used in Ephesians 5:22–33 for “love” is agapé, This word is central to the message of the section1 because it expresses an unconditional and irrevocable love. But agapé is more than just feeling; this kind of love is displayed perfectly in action, sometimes even despite feeling.

Jesus loves us like a groom loves his bride!

Jesus loves all of his people collectively together as the church—it’s like a bride and a groom.

·      Now, in saying that, I know that you ladies will hear, “Oh, Jesus loves us like a groom loves his bride.”

·      And that’ll emotionally be very easy for you to accept because, as the dad of a little girl, my experience is most little girls grow up practicing for their wedding

·      For us men, however, the metaphor has some complexities, right?

·      Like, how many of you men would say, “Yes, I feel like a bride, and Jesus feels like my husband.”

·      Even the thought of me in a wedding dress, you’re thinking, “That’s a lot of alterations

So, the church is like a bride. Individual men don’t relate to Jesus like a wife. But collectively as a church, we follow, submit to, trust, enjoy, live life with Jesus like a wife does with a loving, devoted husband. That’s the big idea.

Do you long for love?

We all do its designed in to us! And if your single if you understand God loves you, Jesus loves you don’t have to constantly seek love in a relationship, if your married it means that your spouse doesn’t become your idol.

No one will ever fill that longing except Jesus!

·      What can happen is that you will have a job description or an expectation of sorts for a relationship that someone would love you.

o   You hand it to a friend, and they fail you.

o   You hand it to a family member, and they fail you.

o   Or you get married, and you hand it to a spouse, and they fail you, and there’s this deep sense of loss.

·      That’s a job description that only Jesus can fill

o   That he would never leave you, never forsake you,

o   That he would never fail you, that he would never disappoint you,

o   That he would never, in any way, deal in a way toward you that was anything other than love.

·      And what that does is it turns love into an idol, and then all of a sudden we’re using people so that we would get that love that we long for.

The good news

·      If that love comes from Jesus, that longing for love is met, we are loved perfectly.

·      That allows us to start loving others with the love that we receive, and it means we don’t have to be in a relationship.

·      We can be single, like Jesus was, and still be satisfied because the loving relationship exists whether or not we’re in a dating relationship.

·      It means that even when those that we love, particularly our spouse, fail us as they will, our love has not come to an end, and we’re not without love, and our identity is not one as unloved, or formerly loved, or previously loved, but one who is perfectly loved, continually loved, and still loved by Jesus.

It frees us up when we know that Jesus loves us. It frees us up to love him and to love others with the love that he gives. And this is all captured in Paul’s teaching regarding how Jesus’ love for the church is a pattern, and source for the husband’s love for the wife.

The perfect Quote!

In the 1960s, a very prominent German theologian named Karl Barth, who’s famous for standing up to Adolf Hitler, visited the United States to lecture at Yale, Princeton, and the University of Chicago. Crowds came out in droves to hear him speak. During his tour, a reporter asked Barth what was the single most important theological discovery he’d made. After stopping to consider his answer carefully, Barth said, “Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Indeed, we can never outgrow that one great, majestic, and simple transforming truth. Jesus loves me. That’s the bedrock of the Christian faith.

Five ways Jesus loves us!

1. As head,

Jesus took the sin that was our fault and made it his responsibility. By dying in our place for our sins, Jesus took our punishment. Practically, this means that God will never punish those who are in Christ. To be sure, we will reap the consequences of our sin in this life, and like any loving Father, God may discipline us for our good and growth, but never for retribution. The price for our sin was paid once and for all by Jesus because as our leader and head, he has made us his responsibility and loved us unconditionally.

2. As savior,

Jesus delivers us from the horrendous fates that our sin causes. Sin brings death in every conceivable way. Health, joy, friendships, families, and fruitfulness all die because of sin, and one day we will physically die because of sin. As savior, Jesus delivers us from countless miseries and tragedies that our sin would cause in us and for others, and he promises us new and everlasting life in him in the life to come. Because Jesus is our Savior, we don’t need to foolishly trust in false and functional saviors or lose hope, even in the worst of seasons.

3. As Giver

It says that Christ loved the church and he gave himself up for her.

·      Our world knows nothing of this.

·      We live in an entitlement culture where people are far more concerned about their rights than their responsibilities,

·      far more attuned to what they believe they should receive than what they should give.

·      The truth is, you can easily ascertain who or what you love by just following your money.

o   Jesus says this elsewhere: “Where your treasure is, there your heart is

o   Love is a commitment that compels us to act, and part of that action is giving. It’s generosity.

·      What do you give your time to? That shows us who or what you love.

·      What do you give your energy to? That shows us who or what you love.

·      What do you give your possessions to? That shows us who or what you love.

·      What do you give your wealth to? That shows us who or what you love

·      Whatever cause you’re into, in two thousand years it will be over.

·      Whatever organization you are committed to, in two thousand years it will be over.

·      Whatever nation you were a citizen of, in two thousand years it will be over.

·      But if Jesus has not returned in two thousand years, there will still be the church of Jesus Christ.

·      And it’s not because we’re smart, because we’re not.

·      It’s not because we’re well organized, because we’re not.

·      It’s not because we’re always doing a great job, because we’re not. It’s because Christ loved the church, and he gave himself up for her. Just like a husband loves his wife and keeps giving of himself, Jesus keeps giving of himself. The resurrected, living, loving Lord Jesus keeps giving of himself to the church.

·      Give yourself to what Jesus gave himself to, the church. Give your money to the church. Give your heart to the church. Give your time to the church. Give your life to the church. Why? Because it’s what Jesus gave himself to.

Some of you say, “Oh, see it’s all about the money.” No, it’s really not. It’s about the love. Jesus is a giver, and when you and I learn to be givers, it transforms our whole life.

·      If you’re a giver, you’re a better friend.

·      If you’re a giver, you’re a better spouse.

·      If you’re a giver, you’re a better parent.

Why? Because then you’re able to give your heart, to give your time, to give your possessions, to give your wealth, and you’ll stop loving things and using people, and you’ll start loving people by using things to demonstrate love to them.

4. As sanctifier and cleanser,

Jesus is patient with us, never gives up on us, and always seeks to make us more holy. Jesus is not sick of you, done with you, or overwhelmed by you. He is sanctifying you, cleansing you, and has hope for you. He is not finished with you and will not be until you see him face to face as a friend.

5. As nourisher and cherisher,

Jesus loves you and the rest of his people enthusiastically, not begrudgingly or regrettably. And he continually reveals to us through Scripture the areas where he longs to help us grow and change. He does this not by standing back and making demands of us but rather lovingly placing his life in us through the Holy Spirit.

Jesus loves the church, and he loves you as part of the church. As a pastor, I’m painfully aware that the church and its leaders are imperfect sinners in need of the grace of God for everything every day. I also know that the church can sometimes feel like the least loving place on earth. But Jesus loves the church, and gave himself for her. We must also love the church and give ourselves for her if we want to love whom Jesus loves. As we do, we’ll see the love of Jesus not only for us but also for others. Amazingly, in the church, among God’s sinful and often bad bride, the great mystery of Jesus’ love is most clearly seen. So, please don’t give up on the church, but rather give to the church, as Jesus gave himself up for the church.

Sometimes the simplest things are the most profound. So it is with the love of Jesus Christ. His love is freeing, liberating, and transforming. There is a deep desire in each of us to be loved, and Jesus alone provides perfect love.

Perhaps the best way to understand Jesus’ love for the church is to insert his name in place of the word love in each of the declarations in 1 Corinthians 13:4–8:

Jesus suffers long and is kind.

Jesus does not envy.

Jesus does not parade himself.

Jesus is not puffed up.

Jesus does not behave rudely.

Jesus does not seek his own.

Jesus is not provoked.

Jesus thinks no evil.

Jesus does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.

Jesus bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Jesus never fails.

Husbands and Wives!

Here we go I can avoid this any longer so I want to try and explain this set of scripture to you.

This is very controversial, so what so id the rest of the book! So lets look at two different perspectives and who we are and then I will try and explain the passage to you as husbands and wives.

The first is egalitarianism, and that is that a husband or a wife can lead the family, and a pastor can be a man or a woman. That’s egalitarianism.

Then there’s something called complementarianism, and that is that the husband is to lovingly, humbly, like Jesus, be the leader of his family, the head, and that only a qualified man should be a pastor in the church. The role of team leaders and other roles can be held by godly, qualified women.

This is a very important matter. It leads to a whole bunch of questions. Christ is the head of the church, and if the church is to love and submit to Christ, and so in the covenant of marriage, the husband is to be the loving head of the home, and the wife is to respectfully submit to him, what does that mean? What does that not mean? By the grace of God, I hope to give you a clear understanding of what we do believe and ultimately, more importantly, what I am convinced the Bible teaches.

Our complementarian theology is this—that, like, I’ve got two hands, and I’m right-handed, so this is my dominant hand. The right hand can do things that the left hand can’t do, and the left hand can do things that the right hand can’t do, and there’s some things that they both can do, but they work together in a complementary fashion, and I need them both.

That’s the basic idea of complementarian theology. The man is the head of the home and the leader, and the wife is intelligent, she is gifted, she is capable and competent.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR A WIFE TO SUBMIT AND RESPECT LIKE JESUS?

The first category of questions is under this main question: what does it mean for a wife to submit and respect like Jesus? I’ll read the Bible again just so you know that this is where I got the idea. Ephesians 5:22, “Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:24, “Wives should submit to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:33, “Let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Number one, it does not mean that the wife is less valuable, intelligent, or competent.

·      Both men and women bear equally the image and likeness of God.

·      They have equal dignity, value.

·      it doesn’t mean that the men are more important than the women.

·      It doesn’t mean that the husband is more intelligent than the wife.

·      This has nothing to do with I.Q.

·      It also doesn’t mean that the husband is more competent in certain things than the wife is.

In Genesis 2 it says she’s the helper, that means that she is actually more intelligent and more competent in certain areas, that he’s not, so they work together so that together they’re better.

Number two; this does not mean that men, in general, are to be ruling over women in general.

·      We’re not talking about gender issues; we’re talking about marriage issues.

·      I would never tell my daughter: “Men are in charge. Do what they say.”

·      That just leads to terrible abuse and the degradation and denigration of women.

·      All we’re talking about here is not women and men; we’re talking about a one woman, a wife, with one man, her husband.

We’re not talking about, for example, if my daughter is given a promotion, but then there will be some men in the company who report to me.” Well, that’s your job; that’s not your marriage. We’re not talking about every single conceivable role for a highly-competent, intelligent woman; we’re talking about architecting the family like Jesus leading the church.

Number three; it does not mean that the wife does not have independent thoughts.

·      In a complementarian marriage, a woman has her own thoughts. I married a woman; I can confirm this as fact.

·      Sometimes those thoughts are different from my thoughts.

·      It doesn’t mean that a wife doesn’t have independent thoughts. She does have independent thoughts.

·       

Number four, it does not mean that the wife cannot seek to influence her husband.

·      I think it’s Proverbs 19:14 that says, “A prudent wife is from the Lord.”

·      This means that to be really helpful, a woman would be a prudent influencer of her husband.

·      It doesn’t mean that she can’t influence him.

·      Carrie influences me more than anyone. More than anyone

·      But she’s to be a prudent, helpful, godly influence.

·      Of course a woman should seek to influence her husband, absolutely.

·      That’s one of the reasons that God brought them together. He needs help, and she can be helpful.

·       

Number five, this does not mean that the wife does not express her thoughts and feelings.

·      Some women wrongly think, “Oh, so I can’t feel anything or say anything?” Of course you can.

·      Just do so in a respectful way so that you can help influence your husband, rather than picking a fight, and declaring war on him, and getting into the crazy cycle.

·      Those of you who are married know what the crazy cycle is.

·      So what we’re talking about here is, she expresses her thoughts.

·      She expresses her thoughts and she expresses her feelings. Again, Jesus did, and to be like Jesus, she will.

·       

number six, this does not mean that a wife ignores all of her husband’s flaws but that she begins by encouraging those aspects of his character that are respectable.

·      To help those areas that you don’t respect, you want to encourage those areas you do respect

·      To help him to grow into the man that God intends for him to be.

·      This doesn’t mean that a man is flawless and without sin.

·      It means that the woman approaches him in such a way to help him become more like Jesus.

·      That’s what it means to respect.

Number seven, this does mean that a wife sets a pattern for others to respect her husband.

·      if Mom disrespects Dad in front of the kids, are they going to respect Dad? No.

·      If the wife disrespects the husband in front of his coworkers, will they respect the husband? No.

·      Women who publicly disrespect their husbands encourage others to disrespect their husbands.

·      this doesn’t mean you don’t disagree with your husband but you do so respectfully, privately.

You ladies don’t, perhaps, understand this, but when you disrespect, cut down your husband in front of others, he’s in a lose-lose scenario, because if he argues back, he’s being mean; if he doesn’t argue back, he’s being weak. He’s in a lose-lose.

Men with men, it’s not like this. You disrespect me, we can talk about that, right?

The book of Proverbs talks about certain kinds of women. They’re quarrelsome. They’re a nag.

In My time here I have rebuked men. Well, in the name of equality, let me now do the same for the ladies. We believe that women should be offended equally as men, right?

And some women—you’re a nag. You’re disrespectful. You’re quarrelsome. Being married to you is like a life sentence, and the guy’s just scratching on his wall every day, “One more day. Just one more day.”

Proverbs talks about certain women—they’re like a dripping faucet. You ever tried to sleep with a dripping faucet? Plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk, plunk. It’s what we use to torture people who are prisoners of war. A wife is like that. She just—boom, boom, boom, boom.

Some guys, then, they read Proverbs and they see the verse where it says, “It’s better to live on the corner of the roof than in the house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” Guys are like, “Yes, I have camping gear, and I’m ready to apply the Word of God and just get my ladder, climb on my roof, set up my tent, and pull up my ladder.” OK? Some of you women are like, “I am not quarrelsome.” One for me, All right.

Number eight, it does help guard a woman’s tendency to distrust, to despise, to disrespect her husband.

·      From Genesis 3 where sin entered the world, the proclivity of the sons of Adam is to be cowards who just don’t follow through in their responsibilities, and the proclivity of the daughters of Eve is to disrespect the man and to take matters into their own hands.

·      The result is the world in which we live, where marriage is not going well, and people are not staying together, and we’re in a real free fall and a crisis.

·       

And number nine, this does mean that she takes her cue from the Trinity and Jesus.

·      We’re coming back to our theological convictions.

·      So, there’s one God, three persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

·      They’re equal, sharing all the divine attributes. True or false?

·      Jesus Christ, the second member of the Trinity, the Son of God, he submits to God the Father. True or false? True.

·      So, you can be equal and under authority.

·      That’s why a teacher is not more valuable than a student.

·      It’s why a political leader is not more valuable than a citizen.

·      It means that someone is leading and someone is deferring to that leadership.

·      Jesus, in fact, tells us to pray this way: “Your will be done.” That’s submission.

In the Garden of Gethsemane before he is to be crucified, the Lord Jesus has this anguish-filled prayer to the Father: “If it be possible to remove this cup, this cup of suffering, then do so, but not my will, your will be done.

Ladies, to respect and submit is to be like Jesus. You want to be like Jesus? That’s one of the ways that we learn to be like Jesus.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR A HUSBAND TO LOVE AND LEAD LIKE JESUS?

Next category of questions. What does it mean for a husband to love and lead like Jesus? It says he’s the head—that’s the leader—and to love his wife as Christ loves the church. The word “love” appears here six times. What does it mean?

Let me start with this very sober point for all of you men—all of you men. If God should bless you with a wife, the question is not, “Are you the head of the home?” The question is, “Are you a good or a bad head of the home?” Do you understand the difference?

you can’t say something like, “Well, we decided I won’t be the head of the household.” You don’t get to vote. God already voted. The question is, “Are you a good head or are you a bad head?”

It’s why, though Eve sinned first in Genesis 3, God comes asking Adam, “Where are you?”

You’re responsible, that’s what it means to be the head. You’re responsible. How do you know whether or not a man is a good head of the home? Well, he’s not a bully. He loves his wife as Christ loved the church. That means that she will be growing and flourishing under his loving leadership.

Number one, the question is not, “Are you the head?” but “Are you a good or bad head?”

·      We are in a day when men are pathetic.

·      For the first time in the nation’s history, the majority of children born to young women are born out of wedlock.

·      For the first time in the nation’s history, young women are more likely than young men to be in college, to be in church, to be in the workforce, and even have a driver’s license.

·      We live in a day when men are acting like boys even though they are men

·      Men are to take responsibility, as Christ

·      Men, there is a burden that God places on us, and I want you to feel it.

·      Marriage is for men. It’s not for boys.

·      And boys who get married, they don’t become men; they hurt women and children. That’s what they do.

·       

Number two, men, we are not the highest authority.

·      In authority over us are the elders of the church

·      Above us is the government.

·      God’s Word above us. We’re under the authority of Scripture. Above it all is the resurrected ruling and reigning Lord Jesus.

·      We’re not the highest authority, men.

·      We have delegated authority, and it is to love women and children.

Number three, men, we are to love our wife, not just marriage.

·      The whole goal is not to get married. The goal is to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

·      It’s easy to get married. It’s really hard to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

·      Any married guys found that to be true?

·      Love your wife as Christ loved the church for fifty years. That’s work. And some men love the idea of, “Oh, I get to live with somebody, and I get to sleep with somebody.” They don’t love the idea of loving that woman.

Number four, your most important human friendship is with your wife.

·      Of course, our friendship with Jesus is our most important relationship,

·      but our most important human friendship is with our wife.

·      Sometimes we’re like, “I work hard and I put food on the table. I’m a loving husband.” Well, let’s ask your wife if she feels whether or not you’re a good friend.

·      There are seasons where I’ve not been a good friend to Carrie, and I’ve had to repent of that and apologize to her, where I get very selfish.

·      The essence, I think, of marriage is friendship.

o   Friends hang in there.

o   Friends have fun together.

o   Friends work through the hard times.

·      back-to-back, shoulder-to-shoulder, or face-to-face.

Carrie is my best friend, she has stuck by me, moved with me, sacrificed for me, and loved me when I didn’t love myself, She is my biggest fan! She is my best friend!

Number five, love your wife and not just what you hope she will become.

·      “Oh, if she would lose weight.

·      Oh, if she would learn that.

·      Oh, if she’d try that.

·      Oh, if she’d change in that way then I’d be so loving toward her.

That’s not how Jesus is with us. Jesus doesn’t come to us and say, “Here’s a list of things that if you accomplish, then I’ll have affection toward you.” Jesus comes and says, “I’m going to love you, and my love is going to change you.” Don’t love who your wife can be; love who your wife is and see who she becomes.

Number six; love your wife, whatever comes your way.

·      This is the difference between a job and a covenant.

·      In the covenant of marriage, God does not give us a list.

·      In the Scriptures, he gives us some things, but ultimately, the big thing is to love your wife as Christ loved the church.

·      You can’t say, “I didn’t sign up for cancer. That wasn’t part of the job

·      I wanted to have kids, and now she’s infertile, and we can’t have kids. I didn’t sign up for

·      what happens is some of us want to reduce marriage down to a list of duties,

·      Your duty is, husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church.

Number seven, men, we have to be tough and tender to love our wife as Christ loved the church.

·      Christ is tough with false teachers, heretics, those who would come to hurt the church, and he’s very tender with the people of God.

·      We need to be tough for our family and tender with our family.

·      The guys who are only tough abuse their family. The guys who are only tender allow others to abuse their family.

Number eight, as the family leader, men, we take responsibility for the well-being of the family.

·      We take responsibility for the well being of the family,

·      so you can’t just look at your wife and say, “You really need to get that together.” You need to be involved.

·      You can’t just look at your kids and say, “That’s something you’ve got to work on. Go fix that.” You need to get involved. And this includes even when your kids get older.

I know that some men can be overbearing and take this too far, but let me just say, in our day, that’s probably not the risk. The problem today is not, “Men are going too far being responsible for the well-being of their women and children. We need to back them off. Those guys are just too involved.”

Number nine, she is a garden; you are the gardener.

·      She is a garden; you are the gardener.

·      In Psalms, it says that a wife with children who is loved will be like a fruitful vine.

·      Do you love a good garden? How many of you love a good garden? How many of you don’t really love gardening?

·      Most of us love a good garden. We don’t have one, because gardening is a lot of work.

·      In 1 Corinthians 11, it says that the woman is the glory of the man.

o   Another way of saying it is, he’s a gardener, she’s a garden.

o   Some of you guys would say, “Man, there’s a lot of weeds at my house.”

o   You’re the gardener.

o   “Man, there’s a lot of rotten fruit at my house.” You’re the gardener.

o   What you don’t need is another garden. You need to be a better gardener.

See, there is no patch of grass where weeds will never grow. The best thing is to love your wife as Christ loved the church—to be a good gardener and to pull up whatever weeds come, to nourish, to cultivate, to cherish your wife, and then, increasingly over time, your home will become more and more like a fruitful garden where you’re glad to be because there’s life, and health, and joy. But it means that the work never ends, just like a gardener’s work never ends.