Matthew 85
(Chapter 18)
How do we forgive??
Matthew 18:34 (NIV)
34In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
So, what happens when you don’t forgive??
Ephesians 4:26–27 (NIV)
26“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27and do not give the devil a foothold.
1. You become Bitter
· Your bitterness comes from the affection for the offender
· The closer they are the more it hurts
o A little thing becomes a big thing because of how close they are to you!
· And when someone close to you deeply offends/wounds you, bitterness can set in rather quickly
2. You become Emotionally Unhealthy
· Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry
· Today’s anger is not the problem
· The problem is yesterday’s anger you haven’t dealt with!
· And when we carry around a lot of yesterday’s anger we become unhealthy
· We can’t sleep
· We can’t eat
· We can’t stop thinking about it
· And it will affect your well being
· So let’s deal with today’s hurt today, and tomorrow’s hurt tomorrow!
3. You are declaring War
· In war, there are armies
· In war there are sides
· There are hostile wars (yelling and screaming, and revenge)
· And cold wars (we don’t talk, we connive, we take it to social media)
· And we have all been in one of these wars, or dragged into one
· And no one wins!
· And social media makes this type of war easier than ever
4. You open yourself up to a demonic foothold (torture)
· In verse 34, it talks about the jailer and torture
o That jailer is Satan
o And he plans to use your unforgiveness to torture you
· You can either walk with the Holy Spirit or Satan and the demonic
· Unforgiveness leads to bitterness and that gives Satan a foothold!!
o That leads to a torture
o And pain and misery
· So Holy Spirit can heal you
· Or Satan can torture you
· It is up to you, forgive or not!
Steps to forgiveness
It needs to be daily!
"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. This is hard. It is perhaps not so hard to forgive a single person for great injury. But to forgive the incessant provocations of daily life -- to keep on forgiving the bossy mother-in-law, the bullying husband, the nagging wife, the selfish daughter, the deceitful son -- how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say our prayers each night "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse is to refuse God's mercy for ourselves." C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, "On Forgiveness"
· Forgiveness is a daily activity
· It is sometimes minute by minute
· And it is a lifetime activity!
Acknowledge the pain
· Some people never get past go, as working through pain can only happen once you admit you have been hurt.
· Understand that acknowledging it can intensify the feelings. Tears, feelings of resentment, and even hatred are good indicators that something is wrong.
· Don’t numb yourself or “stuff” the emotion as that cuts off the process of forgiving others before it has even begun.
Think through things.
· Try writing down what happened in a journal or share with a trusted Christian friend.
· Admit that what happened makes you feel hurt or angry and be honest about what emotions are rising up in you
Imagine being on the other side.
· Think about a time when you have been in the situation of asking for forgiveness; how did it make you feel?
· When have you wronged another person, and did they extend forgiveness to you, or withhold it?
· The Bible directs us to do to others what we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12), so it can be helpful to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment.
Remember God’s forgiveness.
· Reminding ourselves of the debt that God forgave us in Christ when we certainly didn’t deserve it, can help us forgive others.
· If we have been forgiven so much, how then can we hold onto sins committed against us?
· This is another step in the process and does not mean that you must be ready at this point to voice your forgiveness to your offender. This may not ever be possible, as the person may no longer be living.
· You can still forgive someone without that forgiveness being accepted.
Reflect on our Biblical command.
· Jesus stressed the importance of forgiving others on many occasions and even included it in the Lord’s prayer, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
· Pray that this would hit home in your heart; that your decision to obey would force your emotions to catch up.
Let go of the hurt.
· The devil is an expert at getting a foothold when we have chosen to forgive but the wound is still sensitive.
· Don’t allow yourself to replay the offense over and over; let go of the pain and determine that you are going to choose to move forward.
· This is where prayer is essential as, on our own, we are tempted to wander back to unforgiveness.
Continue to forgive.
· Forgiveness is more than just saying a prayer and moving on.
· It is a serious decision that you make repeatedly.
· The process will most likely be uncomfortable and painful, but it will always be worth it in the end.
Pray for the person who hurt you.
· In Matthew 5:44, Jesus commands us, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
· Is there any more powerful witness of God’s transforming grace than someone who can display true forgiveness to the “unforgivable”?
What happens when we forgive??
Ephesians 4:30–31 (NIV)
30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
· When we are hurt/offended the Holy Spirit is just sitting on the sidelines waiting to jump in and help
· But as we see here Bitterness gets in the way
· And bitterness leads to all kinds of issues
o Rage
o Anger
o Brawling
o Slander
o Malice
· God has an amazing plan for you but it requires forgiveness
· And when we forgive, Jesus is cheering us on!
The story of Stephen
Sometimes people will see Jesus through your forgiveness
Acts 7:54–60 (NIV)
54When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him.
55But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.
56“Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
57At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him,
58dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
59While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.”
60Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.
· Jesus was standing
· In every other instance, we see Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father
· But as Stephen is full of the Holy Spirit, and showing forgiveness
· Jesus is on His feet! Cheering him on
· And every time we forgive, Jesus is standing up cheering us on
o Saying well done good and faithful servant
o I got this
o I will deal with them
o Let forgiveness set you free!
o Follow me, I got this, you will be ok, you're mine, I love you!
Forgiveness will truly set you free!!!!
